oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Randomize
