Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
