Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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