Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
