I'm drive I can fine osifer
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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