you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Floor bacon is actually really good
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
