did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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