the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
