Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
