I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
