god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
