she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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