btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
