yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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