you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
