So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Randomize
