My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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