I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
