if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
