look no pants
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
