omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
