I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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