I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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