we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They took my balls.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
