yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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