you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
