oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
