Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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