i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
