better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
