you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
