Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
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