I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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