I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
