There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
