I feel like I'm in dance class right now
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
