They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
