Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
