The best revenge is premature balding
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
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