I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
