Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm too high and old for this...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
