Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
