Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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