What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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