if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
