It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
