Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
