Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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It's like fucking tetris in this bed
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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