its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
