i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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