no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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