Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
