I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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