i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
