You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
