google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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