I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
