yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
