i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
