Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
God, you're like boner-b-gone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
