p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
