I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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