before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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