so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
