I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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