Don't make out with my wife yet
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
