a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
