If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
