my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
