no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
