Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
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And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
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Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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