About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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