I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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What drink are we having for lunch?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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